Tuesday Nausea

All morning I've been struggling with nausea and on the verge of throwing up many a dozen times already. I made it to work but have spent most of my time in the bathroom. I resorted to taking my pill and still feel wretched and nauseas. unbelieveable. when will this crap ever go away?!? I'm sick of it - physically, emotionally, mentally. I'm struggling to even keep my weight what it was pre-pregnancy and find it very difficult for this reason. this morning I weight almost 2 lbs less than I should. sigh. It is such a struggle to eat most days... I do get my vitamins down though and the food i do take in is nothing bad for me. its just not packed with nutrients either. its bland stuff. this morning all i've had is an all natural juice bar with vitamin c. didn't sit well - maybe part of my problem. okay - enough sickness chatter....

My blood pressure yesterday was 90/54. This explains why I'm freezing my tail off all the time i guess. Low blood pressure. I have no side effects of this though so they assured me not to worry. I am supposed to be on the lookout for any symptoms of too low blood pressue - fainting, light headed, dizzy, heat palpitations, extreme fatigue, cold & clammy, etc. I definitely won't be able to rely on the fatigure symptom - I'm pregnant, of course I'm fatigued!

We will be telling our parents this weekend. Though I was the one wanting to wait until christmas - I'm really happy now we decided to do it now, for thanksgiving. I suppose the whole pregnancy feels more real to me now and I'm anxious to share the news with our parents. Wednesday evening we will tell aaron's parents. We have photos from the ultrasound we are going to stick in my mom-in-laws bday card. For my parents, I will stick those pictures in a christmas card... I had wanted to just wear a shirt that says pregnant and see when they would notice the shirt lol... but only found them online and they aren't cheap! so, that idea was a wash. We leave town tomorrow! I can't believe the holidays are already here... wow, time flies when you're sick for 7 weeks huh? I beg to differ!

Dr Appt

The weekend went pretty well. Saturday morning I was sick so had to take a pill but was feeling better by around noon. That worked out well since that's when me and C were heading to Woodstock, NY for the concert. Felt fine while away, all of saturday evening and also sunday on our return trip home. But monday was a different story...

Yesterday (monday), I could not go to work. I had the worst nights rest ever! and woke this morning at 4am feeling horrible. Called my work and then tried to go back to sleep for hours. Finally resorted to the guest room where I could be all by myself. This helped. I eventually went back to sleep and slept until 11am. I woke up feeling better and was able to put out the nausea with a mild breakfast of rice krispies.

Yesterday I also had my checkup with Dr. Carol Coldren. I had met Dr. Coldren once before when I was having all the issues with cysts and other issues. I liked her rather well then and in this visit she was just as nice, if not more friendly than before. I liked her better than the dr I saw before. We tried to listen for the heartbeat to no avail. She says at this stage its difficult but by my next visit (dec 14), we should definitely hear it. She reviewed my ultrasound with me saying everything looked really good. The fluid behind the uterus is still there but its less than the last ultrasound - this means my body is absorbing it. She explained its probably blood from implantation bleeding and of no concern. My bloodwork all looked fine. My blood type is O negative, which means I'm RH - . I'll need a shot at 28 weeks because its a possibility the baby's blood type is positive. If our bloods mix, it could cause my body to produce antibodies. Of no concern for this pregnancy but could be for a later one. I'm not completely clear on all the details of this but know I get a shot at 28 weeks and possibly after the baby's birth is the blood type is positive.

Dr. Coldren was also very supportive of me seeking out a mercury free flu shot, saying she completely agreed that its best to avoid the mercury ones if at all possible. She says to get the shot anytime after I return from thanksgiving travels. I'll call the local health dept to schedule. I forgot to ask the results of the CF carrier test. She didn't mention them so I'm assuming I am not a carrier? I'll ask next time around.

The same horrible receptionist was working - not a nice person!! I put on a nice fake face though and tried to be as sweet as pie. Still she didn't budge. She wants to tell you when to come for your next appt - but hello, people have jobs and lives - offer up a little flexibility! She says to me "okay, dec 18..." as if I have no choice in the matter. I say "oh sorry that won't work for me... do you happen to have anything on the 14th. I'm off that day so it would work out great..." Silence. Then "okay. 10am. dec 14th." ugh - i cannot stand this woman! i gladly accepted with many thanks... i don't know if i'll always be able to be this fake nice to this jerk!

So, next appt is Dec 14 and aaron will go with me so we can hear the heartbeat:) No scheduled ultrasound in the future. But whenever we do have another one we should be able to tell if its a boy or a girl:) We will find out but no one else will... our secret... as well as the name...

12 weeks

I'm now 12 weeks or close to it I believe. Hard to say exactly because the OBGYN and ultrasound don't agree so, husband and I are following the OB's estimate on how far along I am. Today was our second ultrasound. Two already I know. The first one was the ensure it wasn't a molar pregnancy - which it wasn't. The second was to check on a bit of fluid the OB saw. Gulping down 32 ounces of water first thing in the morning is not easy for a girl still battling morning sickness, or as I've been calling it, all day sickness. The ultrasound showed all things looking good! The bit of fluid is still there but - no clue what this means. The tech said its "no big deal" so I'll go with that I guess. We were told we could take a CD-R and have the ultrasound recorded! We were really psyched about this - thinking it would be a great way to break the news to the parents. But much to our disappointment, the tech we had had no idea how to do it. figures. she did give us 3 ultrasound photos though so - better than nothing.

We were able to actually see the baby this time instead of a blob ha. We saw the head, arms, legs, and even a very little eye socket. looks like a real baby in there! the baby is 2 inches long, heartbeat of 170 today, and the ultrasound estimates a due date of June 7. (OB is saying June 1). the size of the little kid is comparable to a lime or plum - this info is for E, since she was wondering. Yes E, it has passed the fig stage:) So our little plum looked good today! Came home afterward, showered, got groceries, and am thinking of cooking up something for Husband's dinner. Not feeling 100% but probably able to cook something. I keep hearing the morning sickness subsides "any day now" and I'm ready for that! and for the ongoing headaches to go away too...

Journaling

Nov 14 Wednesday - today decided that I needed to journal my pregnancy. Part of the reason - we haven't told our parents yet. Mom will hate that I didn't tell her sooner and I do hate not being able to talk to her about the whole thing! But, I'm also perfectly content to wait. So, by journaling how I've been feeling so far, she can at least read whats been happening the last three months.

I started this journal today just by what I remembered thus far. Then from today on, I hope to blog each day what I'm feeling. But who hates their mother not knowing is Husband!!! I'm the girl whose supposed to be talking to their mom everyday about the woes of pregnancy but Husband is the person who can't stand his mom not knowing! Everytime he talks to her he's like, 'I wish I could just tell her!', 'I hope I don't slip up and say something!', 'Man, I wish she knew', etc. Hush already haha. This time next week, she'll know. Not sure how we'll tell them yet but thanksgiving weekend is when we'll share the news.

Husband also thought of the idea to make a picture every Saturday morning of my belly to monitor the 'progress'. We took one photo at 10 weeks. Not sure how I feel about this idea. So far, I'm going with it. Once I start looking pregnant - not sure ha.

To read this journal chronologically, you have to read the last post from top down. Then from now on, I hope to post every few days and that will read from the bottom up!

Today? Feeling pretty good actually. Still not able to drink much water even though very thirsty. Thank goodness for vitamin water. Had a real meal last night of brown rice and red beans. good stuff. First real meal since we went for Japanese. Husband missed seeing me eat it - he's worried I'm not eating enough. Its hard. Nothing appeals to me! Where are the cravings? I thought pregnancy meant cravings! not that i'm wanting them but - i at least want to enjoy eating something... after a few bites, I can't keep eating most things. They start to taste gross. Hard to even maintain my normal weight at this point. Good thing i'm pregnant or I would be convinced I had some sort of deadly illness by now!

+ Pregnant +

Sept 24 Monday - period due. Didn't even cross my mind to test. I felt nothing. Convinced myself that I would feel something if I was.

Sept 25 Tuesday - told my friend M I was going to wait till Thursday to test. But at lunch break, was hit with panic. Drove to walmart. Tested in the bathroom at work. Saw the + pretty quickly. A bit freaked out. Immediately talked to M. she was very excited - that helped. I needed to hear someone excited! Hoping it would rub off on me… we brainstormed ideas on how to tell husband...

husband asked if I tested. 'No' I lied. Drove home, thinking of going to buy some baby item at Kmart to give to Husband when he got home from class that night. Much to my disbelief, here he comes in the door! Got done with work early so he came home for dinner! Yikes. I knew I had to tell him before he left for school. Couldn't hold the news. He went upstairs to change and I panicked - I need a creative way to tell him? I opened the fridge, scanned over milk, juice, ketchup, apples, hamburger buns. A bun! Bun in the oven!?! I placed one bun in the very center of the oven and turned on the oven light. Preparing dinner with Husband, asked him to toast our garlic bread. He turns on the oven and glances in.

He says "hey, theres a bun in the oven. Did you put that in there?"

"Oh well, yea I did."

He's clueless. He stares. "What are you doing? Are you trying to make me eat this bun for garlic bread? Cause I'm not going to!"

"No. its not that." Now I'm laughing. "What did you say? Repeat it."

"I said there is a bun in the oven. Why did you put that in there!?"

"say it again - repeat that sentence! Think about it!"

"There - is - a - bun - in - the - oven… ??" Then it hits him. He smiles. "Are you?!!"

So, my creative bun in the oven idea did not go as planned. Husband laughed at his cluelessness during dinner. "I said there's a bun in the oven at least 4 times and still didn't get it…" he chuckled. Sigh. He's excited. Happy. But neither of us believe it.

Sept 28 Friday - Husband insists on taking another test. Just to confirm. We go buy one. Why buying a pregnancy test embaresses me I do not know - but it does. I always make Husband go to the register as I stand to the side as if its not for me! Lol. We go home. I take the test. Husband uses the video camera to tape the + sign appearing. We see it clearly. +

Oct 4 Thursday - called my OBGYN to setup my first prenatal appt. They don't want to see me until I'm 8-10 weeks. I'm fine with that. Husband wants me there asap and is puzzled why I have to wait so long. I'm feeling really good. Stupidly convince myself I'm going to have mild symptoms. Boy was I in for a shock.

Oct 5 Friday - 6 weeks pregnant today. My parents arrive for a long weekend visit. We've agreed to wait till the first trimester is complete before telling them. Easy hiding the pregnancy from them because my only symptoms are sore boobs and needing to eat 3 meals a day for once. Don't think they suspected a thing.

Oct 9 Tuesday - left for work at 6am. Parents departed to go back to TN. Later that morning, was hit with a wave of nausea. What timing. They leave - I get sick. Thank goodness it wasn't while they were here. I battle with nausea all day long. By night time, its wretched. I'm vomiting and cannot sleep.

Oct 10 Wednesday - somehow manage to get to work. By noon, I couldn't do it - had to leave early. Pulled over on the drive home to puke in a parking lot. Puked about 8-10 more times that night. Can't keep down crackers or water. Been two days since I've kept anything down, even liquids. Completely miserable.

Oct 11 Thursday - more of the same. Vomitting and nausea 24/7. Have lost 4 lbs in the last 3 days. Called the OB's office. Said haven't kept even liquids down for 2 1/2 days and lost weight. They suggest Emetrol - an over the counter syrup that soothes an upset stomach. Rush to buy it. Tastes like shit but take the full adult dose. It helps. I sleep. Was able to go to class and eat saltines. Panicked about our DC trip with E & M. Hope I'm not miserable.

Oct 12 Friday - 7 weeks today. leaving for DC today too. Emetrol seems to help. Take my morning dose. Feel better. Able to eat some toast, brown rice, and keep down ginger ale. Packed food - dry cereal, crackers, ginger ale, etc. feeling best I've felt in 4 days. Still not 100% but good enough to enjoy our trip. On way to DC, discussed when to tell the folks. Aaron wants to tell his mom asap whereas I prefer to wait until Christmas! He Strongly disagrees with waiting that long. I thought it would be a nice xmas surprise! I begrudgingly agree we can tell them over thanksgiving weekend. Hate my mom not knowing but I do want to tell her in person because I have a feeling she's going to be REALLY shocked! Ha. Plus, I want to be far enough along that we are 'in the clear'. Thanksgiving weekend I'll be 13 weeks so first trimester will be over.

Oct 15 Monday - back from dc yesterday. Felt good for the trip. Had a great time. But today - back to sick. Worked all day but on the drive home - overcome with nausea. Took the emetrol - no help. Didn't keep anything down all day. Lots of vomiting at work. In the bathroom and even the parking lot. Ugh. Home - more of same.

Oct 16 Tuesday - worse than yesterday. Managed to get to work about 9am after stopping on the Blvd to throw up a popsicle. Severe sickness during work. Completed 6 hours of work and then left - couldn't stay. Again, pulled over on the way home. Haven't kept down anything for two more days. Feel very dehydrated. Talked to nurse at OB's office. She's concerned I can't keep down liquids. Said I need Zofran, a rx med. Afraid to take it b/c the baby but - can't function! No choice. Husband takes me to CVS. Threw up in their bathroom while waiting on the rx. Took first pill that night. Helped a great deal… whew. Nurse also scheduled me for an ultrasound to confirm a viable pregnancy, not another molar.

Oct 19 Friday - 8 weeks today. Zofran helps. I'm able to go to work and class and function in my daily life for the most part. Symptom that’s annoying me this week - constant thirst! I drink and it doesn't help. Been trying to consume mostly water but the taste of water is not good to me. Before I drank 64oz faithfully every day! Now, I struggle to get in 40. I've added a bottle of vitamin water - the dragon fruit kind. I freeze it at work and then drink it when it becomes slushy. Pretty good. Doing this with my water too. Taking Flintstone vitamins instead of huge prenatals. They hurt my stomach. The flintstones aren't too bad.

Oct 22 Monday - took the zofran but still battling nausea. Didn't go to work. Can't stand puking in the bathroom with strange coworkers in next stall thinking I have a deadly illness. Ultrasound at 3:30. Husband went along. We're both thinking its another molar pregnancy. Prepared for that news. We were wrong. It’s the real deal. The tech points the little tyke out on the screen.

"That’s a real baby in there?" Husband asks.

"It sure is!" she says as she checks the heartbeat. Good and strong at 163.

Ultrasound estimates that I'm 7 weeks and 1 day today. This means a due date of June 8. OB said June 1. So, Husband and I agree - we'll say the 5th:-)

Oct 26 Friday - 9 weeks today. Not vomiting anymore thanks to the medicine but still not feeling great. Lots of horrible headaches (I refuse to take any other meds!) and nausea comes in waves. I'm having a side effect of zofran - constipation. I only thought I had constipation before. Ha. No - real constipation is so unbelievably uncomfortable … nurse suggests taking zofran only once per day instead of twice. Then maybe every other day. Only able to eat bits of food at the time. Can't consume an actual meal. Left today for NC to see R.

Nov 1 Thursday - first meeting with OBGYN at Great Valley OBGYN, Exton, PA. Saw Dr. Sarah Wheeler. Couldn't get a real feel for her - couldn't tell if I liked her or not. She seemed a bit exasperated with me a couple of times - partly because of my hesitation to get a flu shot and me saying that beans and legumes had protein. (which by the way, I checked when I went home and beans ARE a good source of protein!). She even said these words - "if you get the flu while you're pregnant, it could kill you and the baby." Um, not exactly what you want to say to a pregnant person right? Just a thought. She was supportive of my vegetarian diet saying it was fine which was nice. She mentioned a bit of fluid on the last ultrasound - but said it otherwise looked good. She wants me to have another one in 2 weeks. She advised take Zofran only as needed now and start taking 1-2 colace per day, a stool softener. Fingers crossed that helps.

The biggest downfall of the visit was the check out woman who was supposed to schedule my next appt. Not a nice woman! I was needing a Friday b/c I've already missed a lot of work. She was immediately snippy saying she would just give me what they had! Grrr. After a couple dates that I could not accept she was clearly irritated stating, "well I have to put you somewhere!" I took the next appt she said knowing I couldn't do that day. Vented to husband about the ups and downs of the appt. We agree - I'll give it one more appt and then decide whether to stay with them or not.

Nov 2 Friday - 10 weeks today. Symptoms are the same with a few new ones. Sore boobs, headaches, nausea, constant thirst - all still there. I have times when I just don't feel well but can't place what the problem is. Just not feeling good is what I tell husband. Also a new symptom - feeling exhausted! Didn't hit me till this past week. Very tired. Getting up at 5am is a real struggle for me in general but especially now. Try to go to the car on lunch break to snooze a bit - sometimes it happens, sometimes not. One symptom I have not had - moodiness. I read that I would have it pretty bad in the first trimester. But I'm feeling very emotionally normal and fine. Husband agrees its not been an issue at all so - I'm not just in some delusion ha. I'm sure moodiness can come at anytime in the pregnancy but - glad I'm not battling that with this other crap.

Nov 3 Saturday - lunch with friends T & S. Told them the news. They were shocked to say the least. Glad that S knows. She loaned me 4 books and even a dvd. We talked about using some of their baby stuff to save money. So nice having them in the neighborhood.

Nov 9 Friday - 11 weeks today. Still having all the same symptoms and not able to eat much. Put back on most of the weight I lost from sickness. Still need to gain 1lb to be back to normal weight. Not able to eat much of real substance though. Called B, high school friend from TN today - its her bday. Told her the news. She's very shocked. Feels weird telling people. Feel like its not true haha…

Nov 13 Tuesday - had a long weekend with no plans. Was off Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon! I was a lazy ass and did LOTS of sleeping. The exhaustion is tough. Saturday was okay during the day but when we went out that night, started feeling awful. I think the vitamin irritated my stomach. Almost threw up in the bushes at barnes & noble. Saturday night - suffered and battled nausea and a bad headache all night. Sunday morning - more of same. Got up at 10, ate breakfast, back to bed and slept till 12:30pm! Nuts. Finally gave in and took half a zofran - helped. Monday, lots of sleeping and rest therefore, this morning it was a nightmare to get up. Felt sick driving to work. Had to take a zofran. Not taking it much anymore though. I'm glad. Feel guilty I had to take something.

When I got home from work I had a decent dinner. Afterward I zonked on the couch and jolted away 30 minutes later. Forced myself up because I want to have a good nights sleep. Yet when 10pm rolls around, I cannot fall asleep to save my life. I toss, turn, put socks on, take them on, fluff my pillow, don't use my pillow, sigh. Finally somewhere around 11:30 - sleep came. Midnight I'm awakened by a crash from Husband's beside. 'What the hell was that?!' 'oh sorry. i hit my lamp and it fell along with everything else'. Dammit! So, I was awake again till 12:30am... lack of sleep is not a good thing when you're pregnant AND waking up at 5am! Grrrr... I remind myself - not his fault. it was an accident. be rational... haha. i hope this pep talk with always work in the next 6 months:)