14 weeks old...

He's 14 weeks old and growing so fast. Its amazing how much faster time goes when you have a child and you watch them change and grow daily. Abram's personality is developing and he's showing his likes and dislikes these days which is nice and not so nice sometimes. Like one - he likes to sit up. Not so nice about that - he can't sit up on his own! So, we hold him up, put him in his swing or bouncy, sit him in his stroller, carry him in the baby bjorn, but don't prop him up - no, that is no good. You lay him flat on the couch which used to be perfectly fine - Nope, he cries out, No. haha. He doesn't insist on being held all the time which is a relief. But yesterday, he wanted my eyes on him at all times. I didn't have to be holding him, or even playing with him, just at least looking at him.

He's 14 weeks and two days old today and overall a great little baby. I feel so lucky. He's sleeping great. Eating well. Gaining weight. Happy and Smiling most days. Last night he went to bed at 9:30pm and this morning woke at 8am. He had been waking for a 5am feeding but apparently last night he either was so exhausted he didn't wake for it OR he just isn't going to need it anymore... ? Thats what we're hoping!

Husband had class last night from 6-9pm so he didn't get to see Abram all day yesterday. He felt he missed out on too much.

"He enjoyed his bath tonight", I say.

"I missed his bath!?! Man! I can't believe that. We need to do that on a night i'm home", he protests.

"He'll have lots of baths hon", I remind him.

"He won't always be this age though". Good point.

Note to self - do bath night on evenings when Husband is home. Husband adores being a dad and is So incredibly helpful to me, I don't want to rob him of ONE second he wants to cherish.

He's Here, I'm Back...

Baby Abram is here. I'm back online reading blogs and now finally, blogging myself. As I type, Abram is crying in his pack n play and I'm ignoring him. I feel guilty, typical i know, but I must have some moments to myself, despite his crying. So i remind myself, its okay to let him cry, and i go along with what i need or want to do. Don't get me wrong, we have plenty of loving time, cuddling, talking, rocking, feeding, and sleeping together... he's so amazing. Words can't describe. 

I was never the girl who thought or felt "i'm meant to be a mom" or "i can't wait to have kids". No. Not me. But after 7 years of marriage, we thought of adding on. I was 'on the fence' so to speak, for majority of my pregnancy. I feel guilty admitting that now of course because the moment i held abram, i thought, how could i have questioned whether i wanted this experience or not. I held him and thought - he's so big and he's so little all at the same time. He's so big - to have been living in my belly. in my body. and he's so tiny - such a tiny little creature for me to take home and care for! 

He was two weeks early. I woke up at 2:45am on a tuesday night (May 20 - well technically the 21st) thinking, boy, i have to pee - or have i peed myself? i stood to go to the bathroom and water started dripping. As i relaxed in the bathroom - there was a gush. I say to husband "i think it happened" and he was up in a flash to run to the store, gather bags, take care of the dogs, and i called my OB. No rush. so we showered, taking our time, being sure we had all we needed. 

As i said goodbye to sammy and nelly - i felt so odd, knowing it was the last time only they would be my world, because upon my return, we would have an addition. We got to the hospital at 4am, with mild contractions finally starting. 1 cm dilated. I refused petocin, hoping my contractions would come stronger naturally. but after 8 hours of walking in hopes of that (and only 4cm dilated), i took the advice of Dr. Wheeler and began petocin. Contraction came stronger, and faster and finally i asked for the epidural. Labor from there was a cinch. I only pushed for 18 minutes and then he emerged. His little body all bunched up and waxy was the most amazing thing i've laid eyes on. His cry the most precious thing i've ever heard. I was in awe. Born May 21st, 2008, at 5:10pm. 6lbs, 12 oz. 20 inches long. 14 hours of labor. SO worth it. The pregnancy that i hated - so worth it. 

35 weeks and 5 days...

yes! I'm moving along now... this thursday i will have reached 36 weeks, which means only 4 more to go! i'm getting really excited to welcome the little man into the world and not be pregnant any longer. Husband and I have tried to maintain a flurry of activity recently, trying to work in all the fun things we like to do together, seeing friends, heading into the city, etc. We know its not as if our life will end, but its going to change. And i'm sure just hopping in the car on a friday night to head into philly won't happen as often, or be as easy as it is right now. So, we're just taking advantage of our last 4 weeks - just us and the dogs.

I've also taken to the 'nesting' symptom of pregnancy... its so strange, but most all pregnant woman, particularly in the last trimester, become concerned with cleaning, clearing out, having the house just as it should be before the baby arrives. I didn't realize this was 'nesting' until it was pointed out to me. Recently, I had become obsessed with cleaning out closets. with making donations to the goodwill. with clearing the basement of stuff that should be trash. with planting our vegetables for the summer. with vacuuming. laundry. dishes. yard work. clearing out the refridgerator. the list goes on. Problem with some of these tasks, is that husband has to be the one doing it. Ya know, me, big ole pregnant, can't lift stuff. I announce "well today, we have GOT to clean out the exercise room and get the treadmill in there!! and clear out the basement. we have too much stuff!" then i end up monitoring much of his work, declaring 'thats trash', 'donate' or 'keep that', or 'why do you still have that' and husband saying 'we should have a yardsale'. What? A yardsale? add additional work? sure the cash would be great. (note to self - i will be out of work for 4 months. hmm) but ugh. we've had a yardsale twice - the first one was horrid, i hated it and had to do all the work myself. the second was a bit better but still not that great. we'll see.

Back to the pregnancy, I've enjoyed my third trimester better than the other two. I realize most woman are miserable by this point and say the third is the worst. Yet, i'm having the opposite experience. First and Second trimesters were just awful for me and the third has been much much better. I've enjoyed my life, been able to keep busy, and haven't felt horrid. Guess pregnancy sure does hit everyone differently.

Its interesting, folks ask, are you going to go natural or do the epidural? I mean, practical strangers ask me this. I'm always a little baffled, and end up sputtering out something like 'um, yea, well, uh, i just don't know.... well see...'. I made the mistake of telling one person, well i want to go natural. They proceeded to tell me why that was a bad idea, why i will end up taking the epidural, and why its no big deal. Okay, great, thanks. I didn't ask for your thoughts - you asked me my plan!! Now i give the most honest answer possible - i just don't know. My goal is to go as naturally as possibly but hey, this is my first experience so it may be pain beyond my wildest imaginable dreams that i can't endure for another nanosecond... i just don't know. So well see.

The kid moves daily. He pokes and prods me frequently. Last night I felt he was trying to bust through, tired of the womb, as the crown of his head emerged into a massive lump on my belly. I tell him, 'you fatten up in there kid... don't expand me out anymore... just you grow now'.

The kid will arrive soon. His room is ready. We have clothes for him. how bizarre to think we will soon bring another human being into this world, onto this earth, and into our home. I still can't fully comprehend this and look forward to the amazement of seeing him. (not the amazement of getting him out!)

33 weeks along

Today, I've reached 33 weeks. So 7 more to go, if I deliver on the due date, which is merely an estimate so who knows. Several times I've thought, 'well if i deliver early...', 'if he comes early...' but it just occurred to me, i could be overdue. My friend K who lives in NC was due April 12. we talked that day - no action she says. we talked on the 13th and again no action. i started having nightmares of my own about the kid staying in my belly way past my DD of June 5th! yikes. K gave birth only two days late, on the 14th and she handled 'being overdue' much better than i would have. My obgyn tells me that anything two weeks AFTER my DD is still normal. and they wouldn't induce before then unless necessary. I think, so you're telling me that as of June 22 this kid might still be in there just chillin?!?

In the past week i've noticed my mood has shifted and i'm just down and out. Maybe i'm just tired and worn down. tired of being pregnant. all very possible. i really thought with the nice spring like weather having arrived, i would feel energetic and in high spirits. But i have no energy and am just down. I'm sure it will pass... or hope so cause i don't want another 7 weeks of feeling like a complete slug.

I realize that my whole pregnant blog is a list of complaints lol. but i'm wanting to be honest for everyone else just as much as myself. i want to remember what i was really thinking/feeling while pregnant. While wrapped up in the massive amounts of love and bliss with my new son... i'm sure at some point i'll think maybe we should have another. THIS is for me to read, reminding myself of the reality and saying to ME - do you really want to do this again?? really??

about 8 weeks left...

As of this Thursday, I will have 8 weeks left. 8 weeks more of... being pregnant, wearing the same clothes over and over, lathering my stomach in anti stretch cream, getting up 5 times a night to pee, feeling famishly hungry when i wake up at 5am, not drinking coffee, wine, or beer, not eating sushi, having dozens of folks ask me daily how i feel, going to the dr all the time, feeling like i don't have the energy to even walk the dogs, constant thirst, a dying need for fruit smoothies, water ice, and cinnamon rolls, leg cramps in the middle of the night that cause me to jump out of bed spouting curse words of all kinds, feeling the kid inside me kicking and swirling at all hours, my belly button being an outie instead of its usually innie state, not wearing heels, scouring the cute 'regular' stores for pants/skirts with an elastic stretchy waist, seeing my weight go up up up, loving the smell of paint fumes, gasoline, sawdust, and basements, and wondering if i'm actually ready for this... am i? i'm still on the fence yet my fate is sealed. not optimal timing obviously. this is normal. so i hear. right?

i've been feeling so much better sine i hit 21 weeks as far as sickness. yet i have not enjoyed being pregnant - at all. i hear woman say "i loved being pregnant!". Huh? who are these people? I've also heard "it flies by!" Huh? it does? i feel like i've been pregnant for well over a year yet I have two months left... its the all consuming 'thing' that takes over from the moment the sperm and egg meet. should i plan that? i'm just not sure how i'll feel. well i can't wear that then, so no point. well next year, we'll have the baby. oh well need this for the baby. thats too close to the due date. should we. shouldn't we. blah blah blah. so those of you thinking of having a baby, don't think you can just live your life as you normally would up until the day the kid pops out. Impossible. No chance. Its not a bad thing necessarily - its just reality. Your life is already changed and is still changing, all while your pregnant. So if you're still wanting to live it up a little, travel, remodel, take some classes, get a new car, etc - do it before you conceive your kid. you'll be so glad you did.

On another note, feeling the kid move inside me is fascinating. To fully comprehend that a little baby, another human being, is inside MY body is so difficult... yet truly an amazing miracle. the process of creating another life and how God molded this process is baffling. The kid moves a lot these days... when I'm/he's hungry (same thing right?), when i'm at my desk, when i lay down to sleep. He has taken to jabbing a knee or elbow (something!) into my bladder at unexpected times, causing me to think i'm about to pee myself. then he must chuckle and move, giving me some relief, thinking ha, i gave her a scare. His foot came out near my rib yesterday - this is the farthest up and to the side he's been thus far. I hope this is an indication he will eventually fall into the head down position as needed. But I feel that he tumbles in there, in circles, back and forth. Telling his body parts apart is an impossible task. So who knows. With his hyper active self, he may jostle all over till the final day.

Lastly, its hard to imagine him getting any bigger - yet he must. With a little over 8 weeks left, he still is gaining weight, meaning taking up more room in there. Where else can he go? there is no room left in the Inn there kid. and i don't have a stable.

25 weeks, 4 days, 5 weeks, 4 days, etc...

Long time no write... maybe because nothing extremely eventful has occurred? Or i have just been overcome with laziness, haven't written, and cannot create a reasonable excuse. Again though, nothing extremely eventful has occurred therefore I felt no push to post my usual complaints and drab writings. Currently, I've reached 25 weeks and 4 days -pregnant that is, hence the title of this blog. I haven't thrown up in apx. 5 weeks and 4 days too - so things are looking up... to me, nothing was worse than the ongoing sickness. I've had other friends tell me when they were pregnant they hated - then their list of things such as - strangers touching your belly, people telling you you are 'getting big', the constant 'how are you feeling' question, 'do you have a name', 'is it a boy/girl', etc, the dreadful horror stories people insist on telling, and so on. Sure some of this is annoying but personally - after feeling like i had the flu for 15 weeks, none of these things bother me. I'm just continually thankful each day that i can eat, go to work, drink water, and function! So i'll answer all those persistent questions, nod at unwarranted advice, and smile when folks say 'you're getting big!'

At the end of January we found out we're having a boy... i wasn't prepared for this. i was convinced it was and would be a girl. i looked at girl clothes, thought of girl names, talked to 'her' frequently - all to find out, its a boy?!? what?!! no. are you sure? the tech moved the wand to just the right place - oh yes, she's sure. it was obvious. Husband and I had both wanted a girl - but really i think husband just hoped for this for my sake, when he really didn't care. We later learned, after breaking the news to family, that everyone else was hoping for a boy! I should have known I had my own family working against me:) This will be the first grandson for either side of the family - mine or husband's. So, theres an extra excitment added to it i suppose.

I had an older brother as a kid (and still do ha) but preferred an opposite arrangement for my own family - girl first and then boy or another girl, whatever. oh well. I've had other currently pregnant friends tell me they 'felt guilty' they wanted one sex when it was actually the other. But not me. I don't feel guilty. Because i know i'm going to love this boy with every inch of my being and he will be the most wonderful addition to our family. But that doesn't change the fact i wanted a girl to be the oldest. I don't feel guilty - it was just my feelings... no harm in them.

I've grown comfortable with the idea of a boy though - and look forward to the experience we'll have with him. We are anxious to meet him and knowing it is a HE makes it much more real. He is rather active too. I've gone from feeling 'bumps' to feeling jolts, stretches, booms from inside. He's most active when i lay down for bed (probably not a good sign eh?) but it doesn't yet keep me awake.

Without the sickness, i have no horrible side effects of pregnancy. just little things like some mild lower back pain (sort of like a pinched nerve), lack of energy, and swelling of my hands...

I've had the itch to clean our house top to bottom - well more so clean OUT the house top to bottom. I'm not scrubbing floors, I'm wanting to throw things out, donate to the goodwill, sell no ebay, just get rid of the excess. Plus we needed to move our guest room into the office to then convert the guest room into the kid's room. we accomplished most of that this weekend and it exhausted me! But, the guest room is setup and done and the office done away with (or somewhat combined with the guest room). Now we can begin the kid's room... Husband has to do the bulk of this work - he doesn't want me to lift more than .1lbs at the time so this eliminates me carrying anything more than a picture frame down to the basement for storage. Its sweet - he is always full of concern. He also feels I shouldn't help paint the kid's room... but i wanted to help with this - husband is not a neat painter. he painted one room in our house and it was a slight disaster. primer on the ceiling, bits of gray paint on the wood floors, didn't use tape, etc. ya catch my drift. So i've painted everything else in our house ever since. Fingers crossed husbands second paint job goes much better and much neater!

Names - husband will pick. We agreed beforehand if it was a boy, he could pick and if it was a girl, i would. So husband wins. I'm fine with that. He has it narrowed down to two options - and i like both. But we plan to keep the name mum till he's born:) no need for unnecessary opinions that don't coincide with ours!

Movement

Last Saturday, husband went to watch the Steelers game with J and T out in Blue Bell, PA. I encouraged him to do so - with my lack of socialness recently, I really didn't want to feel I was depriving him of any such thing. I'm even more grateful now that I did this - as it turned out to be the last Steelers game of the season:( I watched the second half from bed. It was a close game... I yelled at bad calls, cheered for the steelers driving down the field and then "bump... bump... " from the belly! What was that - I thought. I immediately lay very still, eyes glued to my stomach.... "nudge" there it was again! I was 100% sure it was the baby... in all my excitement over the game, i had stirred the kid awake and the kid was nudging back! This went on for over 45 minutes... a little nudge here and there. Wow. By this point, the fourth quarter was close to being over but i couldn't help it. I had to call Husband.

"HELLO??" He yells into the phone, over a background full of bar noise.

"Hey! Guess what?!"

"WHAT?!?!" He yells back, puzzled sounding, like he hadn't even heard me.

"I said guess what?!"

"I can BARELY hear you... but okay, what?!" the bar noise worsens as the game goes on.

"I felt the BABY MOVE!"

"HUH?!"

"I FELT THE BABY MOVE. A FEW TIMES IT MOVED!"

"THE BABY? WHAT? IT MOVED?!" He questions.

"YYEESS! I'll see you when you get home," I yell, wondering why I even called.

Now, over a week later, the kid moves daily. One evening the kid was so active and strong, I swore to Husband he could feel it. He placed his hand on the bump and after much patience, he finally feel a nudge. "There it was!" He says.

Its amazing. And as I sit here, I can feel it, moving on and off. I'm in awe there is a living, breathing human inside my body. I'm in complete awe of how God designed us...