Tuesday, January 8, 2008

A Bump

I officially have a bump. Not a large one - or a real obvious one, but its definitely a baby bump down there. I don't mind it. Actually, I like it because it confirms that I am going thru all this hell because there really is a baby in there. I'm aprx. 19 weeks along, less maybe, and still not feeling that great. Nauseas on and off. I haven't had a puking day since Dec 26. Headaches - often. Constipation is better. Eating is still a chore - even when i'm not feeling sick. My appetite just is not there.

This friday is my next obgyn appt, checkup is all. I'm sure they will tell me to take zofran if I feel sick and tylenol for the headaches. Believe me, if its bad enough I will but I hate to take any medicine if I don't have to. Husband is going along on the appointment to ask his own questions and to be with me even though I'd rather him not go.

Husband has been upset with my lack of appetite and lack of weight gain, talking to me about eating more, putting on weight, the list goes on. I remind him I'm doing the best I can and most days do not feel well at all. Needless to say, this is causing arguements and stress at home and is making me regret even being in this position. How horrible is that? Regretting being pregnant? I feel so guilty even writing it but I'm committed to being bluntly honest on here. I feel wretched, my husband and I are arguing and disagreeing... who wants that? I was in tears last night over dinner because I'm just tired of this - tired of it all.

I missed work yesterday and spent the day at home sleeping, forcing down food, and made a pot of soup. I finally ventured out for a walk with the dogs. Its been beautiful weather here today and yesterday. Sunny, clear skies, warm. Ahh so nice. We walked and it was the highlight of the day for all of us:-) Today its back to work and its been tough but I'm here.

I hope to soon post something fun and exciting and happy!! I really do. Thats what I want just not sure how much longer till its true. Until then, you get the annoying, sad details haha. And I know that all of you mom's out there will say "OH but its SO worth it... you'll see... " and i'm sure i'll read this stuff later and think that. Till that day - i have to say I wonder... But again, at least I have this cute little baby bump now, reminding me of the miracle in there:)


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